Confronting Power Imbalances in Government and Law Enforcement

The day I decided to speak out about the crimes against me was the day I truly understood the weight of power imbalances in our system. As a survivor of sexual assault at the hands of a federal agent, my journey has been fraught with unique challenges that have opened my eyes to the urgent need for reform in government and law enforcement.

It started at a social venue. Under his jacket his sidearm was concealed – a symbol of authority that should have represented protection. Instead, it became one of his government-issued tools of intimidation.

The fear was paralyzing. He claimed “jurisdiction across the entire United States,” making me feel like there was nowhere I could hide, nowhere I could run. This wasn’t just about one bad actor; it eroded my trust in the entire system meant to protect people like me.

Reporting seemed impossible. Who could I turn to when my offender was part of the very system I needed help from? I found myself approaching officers cautiously, trying to evaluate them at face value, desperately hoping to find someone who would help rather than hurt me.

The trauma ran deep. I struggled with heavy emotions, especially at night. Suicidal thoughts crept in, and I couldn’t even bring myself to say the word “rape.” The weight of what happened to me felt crushing.

Fleeing my offender’s region was hard. It meant changing jobs, ending a lease and other expenses of relocation. But I knew I had to find a way out, not just for my safety but for my sanity. I started small, implementing a personal improvement plan. As in the past, stringent exercise became my lifeline, helping me feel healthier, happier, and more energetic. It was a tiny step towards reclaiming my life, but it made a world of difference.

As I’ve navigated my healing journey, I’ve become acutely aware of the systemic issues that allowed my assault to happen and made seeking justice so difficult. Hiring practices for law enforcement entities require reevaluation to ensure only healthy personalities assume these empowered roles. We need independent oversight boards, transparent reporting systems, and stronger whistleblower protections. We need regular audits of agency practices and enhanced background checks for positions of authority. Routine psychological counseling should be mandatory once officers are employed by law enforcement agencies.

But more than that, we need a cultural shift. We need mandatory training on power dynamics and ethical conduct. We need zero-tolerance policies for abuse of power with real, enforceable consequences. And we need a victim-centered approach that prioritizes our safety and well-being throughout the reporting and investigation process.

To anyone out there who has experienced sexual assault at the hands of someone in authority: you are not alone. Your feelings are valid, and your story matters. Healing is possible, even when it feels impossible.

I know the fear of retaliation, the lack of trust in the system, and the overwhelming trauma. I’ve lived it. But I also know the strength that comes from speaking out, from reclaiming your power bit by bit.

If you’re reading this and recognizing your own story, please reach out for help. There are resources available, people who will believe you and support you. Your safety and well-being are paramount, no matter who your offender is. I recommend RAINN as a top national resource ready and waiting to listen to you when you need it most. Their National Sexual Assault Hotline operates 24 hours at 1-800-656-4673.

As for me, I’ll continue to advocate for change, to push for reforms that will make our systems safer and more just. Because no one should have to go through what I did. And because I believe that together, we can create a world where positions of authority are synonymous with trust and integrity.

This journey isn’t over. But each day, each step forward, is a victory. And I’m not walking alone anymore.